So you might be asking yourself, why is it fine to fight dirty in sport or at school, but it’s not acceptable to fight like that in a relationship to get what you want? There’s a simple answer to that. Your lover is supposed to be your best friend, the love of your life – humiliating them or making them look stupid just isn’t on! If you do this, you’ll be putting this relationship at risk. Just as there is a correct way to treat diseases (with drugs rather than a bullet), there’s a correct way to fight your corner in relationships.
Don’t back away from the fight! Acting like this is a coward’s response. Should you find yourself getting too emotional (which could lead you to say something you regret), instead of walking away, take a break for ten minutes, then resume the argument when you’ve thought carefully about how to demonstrate your point.
Don’t decieve or exaggerate to try and pin the fault on your partner. Complaining “you always do…” or “you never…” is not going to help things. It’s a blatant mistruth 99% of the time.
Now then, if you want to fight fair, you need to stick to the real reason why you are arguing. Obviously there’s a recent disagreement that’s caused you and your darling to fight. Stick to that! Don’t just go bringing up something they once did in the past (especially the case if you have already forgiven it), just because you are in the wrong!
First of all, you need to understand that it’s a good thing for relationships to be competitive. Disagreements now and again are a positive thing, so long as you both get the time to air your frustrations with the other and sort them out. Supposing one person gets what they want every day, that’s no good for other half – there must always be some give and take, and a few heated words are absolutely the best way to achieve that.
Also, remember that under no circumstances can you resort to physical abuse while arguing with your partner. The same goes for name calling, verbal abuse etc. Do not do it!
Learn to recognize when you are in the wrong. And don’t be shy to admit it.
Don’t go making threats or demands to get your point across. The whole idea of fighting fair is that there is no winner and loser. Instead, the two of you need to agree on a compromise together. So making ultimatums or demands is not going to help you to reach that, is it?
Don’t attempt to read your lover’s mind. Don’t tell them, “you did it because…” or “you always say…” The fact is, this is nonsense. You never know what they think! Not ever! So why ask them instead? Try saying, “why did you…?”
Adhere to these rules (and it might be an idea to show them to your partner as well), and then any fights you have in your relationship will be sorted out far easier.
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